In December I had the opportunity to spend few days in a quite close company of Stanislav Grof and once again, however for the first time this was so conscious experience, I encountered a phenomenon which I have provisionally called “harassing a star”. Some time ago I myself was involved in this mechanism, then I started internally growing and recently, I eventually looked at this from a distance.
Me with Stanislav Grof, December 2013
When someone has a strong personality, he or she becomes an object of projection. People see in that person their fathers, a master, a strong friend from school, someone who will take responsibility for their lives. Not many of them have contact with that person’s humanity, most of them follow a strong image and adjust it to the narration in their heads. This makes them want the star to fulfil some needs which have not been fulfilled by certain people from the past. Some of them want recognition, some others attention, love or security. Because they have waited so long for the possibility to fulfil their needs they often lose their minds and do everything to fulfil a certain need, regardless of circumstances, just like children do.
Some of them ask questions to show off with their knowledge. Some others, despite the people waiting behind them for a photo or an autograph on a book, start to confide their problems making the conversation half an hour long. Some others accost the star when he is placing a cutlet on his plate in a canteen and they block his way and make it impossible for him to get to the table and at the same time they start talking about where they went on holidays last year. They all have something in common – they do not talk to a person but to an image. They are not in an Adult identity but in a Child one.
I myself have been an object of projection for the participants of trainings (but of course not so often like world-known stars) and I have experienced this strange feeling when someone is talking to me for a long time and I do not feel any contact with that person because I know he or she is not talking to me. These people are not interested in my reactions but they play a role with an authority in their heads. I know this situation when someone asks me a question and they do not listen to the answer because they were interested only in a talk with some object which gave them attention.
This was one of the biggest lessons that cured me of aspiring to be a star. I understood that I would lose contact with a number of people in exchange for a not so beneficial social status.
When you meet someone who you consider a great authority look consciously at your behaviour. Aren’t you behaving like a child craving for the relation? A child who is afraid of what would happen if the authority criticised him or her?
And maybe you’re behaving like a teenager who artificially rebels and pretends that they authority does not have any influence on him or her? What particular need do you want to fulfil?
Even if you have worked hard on yourself it is often a meeting with great authorities (just like parents 😉 ) that reveals our biggest insecurities.
Everything you’ve heard about time management is a lie.
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